Cherokee Marriage and Divorce

“The beauty of marriage is more powerful than any human fear.”
Chief Charles “Jathohi” Rogers

Our old stories say that the Cherokee and other humans were created after the plants and animals and that the people learned how to live and survive from the animals. In the beginning, we are told the plants and animals were instructed by Unetlvnvhi (Creator), whom the Cherokee believe is neither male nor female but a spirit, to stay awake for seven nights and watch the world. Most tried but could not do so and of the plants, only the cedar, pine, holly, spruce and laurel trees were able to stay awake. That’s why they are green all year long and don’t lose their leaves during Go-la, the winter. Of the animals, only the owl, the panther, and a few others were able to stay awake. These are ones that are able to see at night and prey on those who must sleep. The people were created last. The story tells us that there was only a brother and a sister until he struck her with a fish and told her to multiply, and so it was. Seven days later a child was born, another came seven days later, then another, and another. The human beings increased very fast and there was soon a danger that the world would soon be too crowded. Then it was made that a woman will have only one child a year and it has been so ever since. That is the way it began according to the stories.

James Adair observed the Cherokee prior to 1775. He wrote, “they observed a similar marriage ceremony to that of the Hebrews. It is usual for an elderly man to take a girl, or sometimes a child to be his wife, because she is capable of receiving good impressions in that tender state. Frequently, a moon would elapse after the contract made, and value received before the bridegroom sleeps with the bride, and on the marriage day, he does not appear before her until night introduces him, and then, without tapers.”

Like the Hebrews, the Cherokee had several wives at a time, although no more than one to a village. Also when in a village in which a man had a wife, he was expected to take care of her and not fool around with any other woman. James Adair writes, “The Indians are so fond of variety, that they ridicule the white people, for having enough heart to love only one wife at a time, and being bound to live with and support her, though numberless circumstances might require a contrary conduct.”

Adultery was dealt with in different ways by different tribes. However, the Cherokee were the exception in having few laws against adultery but there were rules that had to be followed. According to James Adair, “they [the Cherokee] have been under a petticoat-government and allow their women full liberty to plant their brows with horns as oft as they please, without fear of punishment. On this account their marriages are ill observed and of a short continuance. They divorce their fighting bed-fellows at their pleasure... whenever their fancy directs them to a more agreeable choice.” Of course, James Adair didn‘t understand the equality of the Cherokee men and women and was looking at the “marriage arrangements” of the Cherokee through European eyes. Actually, the arrangement worked very well for the Cherokee. The Cherokee were a matriarchal society at that time and the women held equality with the men. The women were in charge of the family. The young man when he married became part of his wife’s clan and actually moved in with her mother. He gave up his clan affiliation. Men were often away on war parties or hunting parties for long periods at a time. With the men gone, it was necessary for other men to take up the slack in the duties around the village, so it was not uncommon for a woman to have other men helping support her and her family but they would not marry. That is the reason why a Cherokee always traces his or her heritage through his or her mother and not the father. You can only have one mother. For the Cherokee to survive, the system worked for them. But to suggest the Cherokee were promiscuous would be an injustice and definitely not the case.

Actually, there were laws against adultery and they are described by Thomas Mails in his book The Cherokee. “If adultery was proven against a woman, all of her possessions were taken away and she was turned out of the house.” All members of the same clan were considered to be near relatives and therefore not allowed to marry. The laws concerning marriages within the clan was considered as the most stringent of the Cherokee laws.

In ancient times, Cherokees seldom married a second time, since the only second marriage considered honorable were those involving a brother’s widow who needed a man to provide for her.

There were several ways of making proposals and consummating marriages, and different regions had different approaches. It is entirely possible that customs changed, as they have in society today, and were unique to different regions of Cherokee country. Although divorces were infrequent, they did happen, and all that was required to formalize the parting was a dividing of the blankets which reversed the act performed at the wedding. When separations were mutually agreed upon and once the blanket “split”, the couple’s possessions were equally divided and the children went with and were provided for by the mother and her extended family. If a man came home and found all of his possessions piled in front of the house, he was officially divorced and no longer welcomed in that house.

For more information on Cherokee Marriage, Divorce, and Adultery: read James Adair’s History of the American Indians published in 1775. pp145 - 153 and The Cherokee People by Thomas E. Mails.

In the solemn reverence of ceremonial rites
in prayer-filled smoke spiraling upward
in circular steps of traditional dances
in the musical tones of an indigenous language
poetry is at rest.
In the sudden quietness of a deep premonition
and the ardent purpose of an ancestral calling
poetry is resting, waiting, connecting, speaking
to all who are guided to listen.
Marijo Moore - Cherokee